At the zoo

I just thought I'd mention, whilst I'm here, the animal names I have been called since Coming Out (of the womb, silly):

• Spatchcock - because with my jaundice and the way I folded up my legs, I have been looking like a corn-fed chicken
• Froggy - again, the legs, plus when I hiccup I go "wibbit!" in a high-pitched, squeaky sort of way
• Leech - not very nice, but tends to be used in conjunction with Guillotine Jaws, when I suck for dear life even if I've got wind and I'm twisting around trying to get comfortable
  
• Little Bear - Mum calls me this because I'm cute and always hungry