First food

Woo-ey! Mum gave me a wedge of Tesco's Finest Pink Lady apple to suck this morning. I couldn't get enough of it, and sucked it nearly dry! I like Pink Lady apples, I think...

In the afternoon, Auntie Justine came over and we went to London Colney for a cup of tea and some sale shopping. Mum got me a couple of flowery shirts from Monsoon Baby. Dad thinks Mum would put me in a pink sequinned dress and tights if she had the chance. Now, I like the sound of that...

Guilty as charged

Ah, yes. You have caught me... er... having inappropriate relations with my toy mouse.

Boxing Day

I had a nice lie-in this morning. Yesterday's festivities really tired me out!

Merry Christmas!

Auntie Jenny and Uncle Tim came round early this morning. Auntie Jenny had made a duck stuffed with turkey, cranberries and chestnuts for Christmas lunch.

I just had to eat my Christmas card:

Here I am opening my present from Auntie Jenny and Uncle Tim. I was much more interested in the wrapping paper at first though, because it's sparkly and crinkly, and makes a delightful sound when you bash it.

We all ate a lot today. The grown ups had some canapes, then Auntie Jenny's duck with roast potatoes, vegetables and the cranberry and bread sauces that Mum made last night. I licked my Christmas card, the wrapping paper, my new caterpillar toy, and even the crackers!

Impending apocalypse... and a new chair!

Mum and I went to the shops quite early this morning. Mum said that there were rumours of an impending nuclear apocalypse and we had to buy enough food supplies for our air raid shelter for a year. There were loads of other people cramming their trolleys high with food, but Mum managed to get what she wanted.

In the afternoon, Dad came home early from work, so he went to pick up my new high chair that we'd ordered on Saturday! Here I am in it. Mum's discovered that I haven't got the attention span to stay in it too long, but it makes a worthwhile throne for a few minutes from whence to survey my admirers.

The name's Sheridan, Joel Sheridan

This afternoon we all went round to Great Uncle Howard, Great Auntie Karen and second cousins Maddy, Abby and Elly.

Boobie had spent all morning cooking nice food, which she brought along. Great Uncle Howard had made some red cabbage, and Great Auntie Karen had made her extra boozy trifle, so all in all there was this tremendous spread that I could only gaze at (which I duly did).

When the girls saw me they all wanted a cuddle, so they formed a queue! Sigh. I think I have that effect on women. Incidentally, Mum's seen some baby T-shirts on line and she's hankering after getting one or two for me, including the one with the slogan "Granny Magnet" and "Thank God I don't look like those ugly babies". (I personally like "I'm here to fix the video" and "I broke it, so sue me".)

Great Auntie Karen was desperate to give me this black tie outfit that she and the girls had bought. Mum put it on me, and instantly the paparazzi appeared.

Do I look suave or what? Milk, skaken not stirred, anyone?

Uh-Oh!

Dad's just got me ready to go out, but in a minute the smell of what I've done down there will waft up to him...

Lip balm

Hello there! Joel Sheridan here again! You're watching the Cute Channel!

It's been so cold lately, and even with my baby-soft-skin I've been getting slightly dry lips... so Mum gave me some lip balm today, and, guess what - I love it! (But don't tell the other baby boys at the Mother and Baby group.)

This is me, examining the lip balm tube - oooh, can you eat it?

When Mum puts the lip balm on me (actually, John Masters Organics Lip Calm with Ylang Ylang) I pucker my lips and then smack them together in a satisfied way.

Please can I have some more, Mum?

Avid readers will also have noticed I am using my new sitting skills to sit up on my own for all that time now: hooray!

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...

Mum hauled me along to the Baby Clinic this morning. I didn't want to go - I wanted to stay in as it was soooo crispy cold outside, even though Mum bundles layers onto me.

The Baby Clinic had been relocated at Furzefield Leisure Centre, a swimming pool complex on the edge of town. Three weeks ago there was a virus outbreak at the community hospital where we normally go, so they've shut that down temporarily. They had much smaller scales in this makeshift clinic but Mum plonked me on anyway. I weighed 15 lbs 10 oz. Mum had been hoping that I would have reached the 16 lb mark, but I guess I've been puking a lot and using the rest of the energy in kicking around.

As we were halfway in that direction already, Mum suggested that we go to London Colney, a hypermarket complex ten minutes away, to complete our Christmas/Hanukkah shopping. We got a few more presents. I had a good ol' nose-around, as I normally do.

I can more or less sit up on my own for a couple of minutes now without toppling! Here I am on my playmat. That's Criminal Bird flying in on the left.

Don't blame it on the baby

Psssssst! Zaida! Was... was that you?

My first words

Boobie said that in my chat with her this morning I said "Gembeg." Actually, what I said was, "Ooooh, mgwa-ooo yeh-wooooh, oooo, ooo, gembegh-a-ooo, ooooo oo ooo," which in Swahili Baby-goo-ese means, "I have successfully smeared my bogey on your sleeve, and you haven't noticed."

Went to visit Great Boobie this afternoon, who was having a not-so-deaf day (v. good). I slept through much of the moderate shouting though. We might get her an ear trumpet. When I woke up I showed Great Boobie my standing skills so far. Mum and Dad had chocolate eclairs and I had some warm milk.

Man-flu

Dad's contracted a horrible lurgy which Mum calls Man-Flu. She says it's like Bird Flu but it only affects grown up men. Dad says, in between sneezing and coughing, that I have to learn the symptoms of Man-Flu (but he calls it "Ban-Flu"). He's not gone into work for the last couple of days. Boobie's been a bit ill too.

We stayed at home this weekend, because it was so cold outside and because of Dad's Ban-Flu. Here I am asleep on Dad.

My old man's a dustman...

...'e wears a dustman's 'at,
'e wears Cor Blimey trousers
An' 'e lives in a council flat. (together, with elbows flapping)
I tried on one of the grown up kippahs and it looks more like a flat cap.

We light one extra Hanukkah candle each day, and I get one more present - wooh!

Talking of Cockney, Mum found out today that "blowing a raspberry" is rhyming slang for "raspberry tart".

Tomfoolery

Joel "Jazz Hands" Sheridan here, demonstrating the Macarena.

Do I look sexy if I ram my head into the cushion?

Well, I can put the world to rights by tipping the other way.

On the first day of Hanukkah

It was the first day of Hanukkah today, the Jewish festival of lights (and doughnuts). Here is a picture of Boobie lighting the Menorah whilst Dad and I are watching:

I got my first Hanukkah present - yay! The red wrapping paper was by far the most interesting, as it made a crinkly noise when I bashed it.

My present was a Worzel en Pip book that Boobie got from Amsterdam when she went at the weekend!

Oi!

What'choo lookin' at?

Wheezy Joe

Today I have been mostly... trying to make sounds by using the inhaling breath rather than the exhaling one, resulting in a funny situation where Mummy panics because it sounds like I'm having an asthma attack (except I'm not, because I follow it with a grin and a coo).

Fruity

Today I have been mostly... trying to blow raspberries.

Please be upstanding...

Today I have been mostly... trying to stand up.

Auntie Julie...

Auntie Julie... you should give some of your hair to Uncle Daniel, because you have lots of it and he doesn't!

Hey Cutesome!

Today in Blackpool it was soooo cool. (Oh, and cold as well - Mum forced me into my bear snowsuit - the one with the embarrassing bear ears.) The Professional Ballroom World Championships took place in the Winter Gardens. Mum, Dad and Zaida watched, but Boobie took me round to chat with the competitors. I think Natasha Karabey, who got into the semi-finals, would quite like me as her new partner - anyway, I met her and she's very nice.

I've been really working on my cute face since four weeks old. Have a look at this:

Oooh, I got offered a job as well! The waiters and chefs at the Italian restaurant La Piazza were so taken with me (obvious cuilinary skills - I'm a specialist in types of curded cheeses) that they offered me a job for next year. Wow! Maybe I'll be a celebrity chef after all.

Blackpool

Haven't blogged for the last couple of days because I've been in Blackpool! The Parents go every year for the British Closed Ballroom Dancing Championships, i.e. the National Championships. Mum says that last year I competed in the Open Amateur Ballroom category when I was about eight cells big, but I don't remember... maybe because I didn't actually have a brain back then, durrr.

Anyway we've been watching the dancing in the Empress Ballroom of the Winter Gardens. It's the biggest room I've ever seen, with coloured lights, elegant ladies wearing brightly-coloured, mega-sparkly dresses, men in penguin suits or loads of chest hair on show, and a very loud live band. Yesterday Mum and Dad were practising so Auntie Justine looked after me. I spent all day gawping at new stuff, being nosey and not sleeping. Today I've been so tired! But at this morning's dance practice I got a dance with Auntie Hazel MBE... before nodding off for the day.

Here I am in the B&B, practising my rolling on the bed. Got to get those Samba rolls down pat.

Pukey Guts

Oh dear. Mama got me weighed this morning and I was 14 lbs 14 oz. All bets had me well over 15 lbs so that was a bit of a disappointing result. Mum reckons it's 'cos of all the puking I've done recently. Last night I puked up my entire feed and filled two nappies in quick, smelly succession. The health visitor at the clinic thought it might be teething trouble too (the slow weight gain, I mean, not the mega-pooing).

I had a nice weekend though. Auntie Julie looked after me on Saturday whilst Mum and Dad had a dancing lesson, then on Sunday we went back to the flat in Croydon for a couple of days. Yesterday I saw Auntie Jenny and tired her out by being hyperactive at her. Excellent.

Strictly a fan

Was going to blog some wise words from the Dalai Lama, or other Tibetan monk whilst I'm in this garb, but.... Mum! Muuuuuuum, I'm hollering at you - quick, it's time for Strictly Come Dancing! I love the title sequence with its kaleidoscope effects and smile every time. After about ten minutes though, my attention span goes...

Oh, and another thing...

Just wanted to show you that I can grab my feet now (well, the left one, at least). I've been practising putting them in my mouth, but I'm still a way off chewing my nails: toenails, that is.

Today's nature documentary

Hello and welcome to Joel's Show. Today, I am David Attenborough and we are going to stalk for starfish in the vast plains of Boobie and Zaida's lounge floor. Let me show you how it's done.

Shhhh! We have to be very quiet for this, so come a bit closer.

Hey, not too close! Now, like a big cat, we stalk and lie in wait for our prey.

Hooray! Found a little star. Let's prod it - see what it does. Oooh.

Target practice

Jus' a quick blog. As Dad came through the door coming in from work today, I barely said 'hello' before puking on him. Cool. I mean, oops.

Classical boff

I'd been trying to tell Mum for ages, but today she heard on the radio and finally believed me: my little star plays Ludwig van Beethoven's Piano Sonata No.8 In C Minor Opus 13, better known as the third movement of the Pathétique - the Rondo: Allegro. Well, you know, one might burp and fart a lot but one can still have refined tastes.

High drama

Ooooh. Mum finally finished a letter to the Chief Executive at Barnet Hospital today, complaining of how she and I were treated there back in July when I was just a few days old. We went to the Post Office this morning and Mum posted her letter recorded delivery. Oooh, and I mean ooooooh, how exciting. I'll let you know what happens with that.

Rolling stone

Today I managed to roll all the way over from tummy to back - yay!

Here I am 'prone' (as Auntie Julie calls it, but is that the same thing as 'accident prone'?)

And here I am starting to tip... over I go! I've found this bit is what's crucial. Otherwise I stay pressed up on these damn arms without being able to crawl yet.

P.S. Like my biceps?

My new strawberry

Mum and I went to Tesco this afternoon (we don't get out much) and Mum let me pick a first teether. I've been dribbling more than the gummy people at the geriatric home Boobie works at. I've also been experimenting with stuffng my fist in my face and my thumb down my throat. Mum says I need to learn 'cause and effect' because shoving my thumb down my throat too hard makes me gag. Come to think of it, I guess I have done some impressive chuck-ups in the last week or so. Oh well.

Hold your head up high

Mum's been really trepidatious about giving me "tummy time" because the last few times I've let her know that I hated it.

Today, though, Boobie egged her on and she put me on my tummy, and I could hold my head up - hooray!

Oh, by the way, viewers, that is not a zit on my face. I scratched myself by accident because Mum had let my grubby nails grow too long. Woopsie.

Cool new hat

Rah. Boobie and Zaida got back from a trip to Greece last night. They bought me a couple of cool hats, which is such a relief after those embarrassing tea cosies that Mum was trying to stuff me into. "Your ears will get cold, nag, nag," and all that. So here's a pic of me in one of my new hats: excellent.

The Shrieking Shack

I've been experimenting with a new noise over the last couple of days now: shrieking! Mum doesn't know what to do with my new set of sounds - whether to ignore them and hope that I'll go back to my regular cooing if I don't get a response - or whether to laugh along with me at my extra long supersonic sentences. She says I sound like a strangled Teletubby, which is a bit of an odd thing to say considering she also says she'd probably find the sight of a Teletubby being strangled quite satisfying.

Anyway, I've been doing this shrieking thing, like, all day. It's replaced my regular repertoire of sounds. Mum first thought that I had a hair stuck in my throat but then she figured that I wouldn't be chuckling as well.

Hah! Over a stone!

I'd just like to point out to all my admirers that I have crossed the one stone line! This morning I weighed 14 lbs 2 oz (6.42kg) at the Baby Clinic. Mum feels like a real regular there now. There was a new little girl there who was only five weeks old and crying pretty loudly. Mum had to reassure the little girl's grandma that when I went at five weeks old, I howled the place down at having my clothes taken off in front of everyone (duh) and all the other babies turned in unison to stare at me.

Biddily biddily boo!

I love my Smiley Star: you know, the one that came with my Baby Einstein Activity Gym. It's bright. It's colourful. It flashes its lights gently. It has a really big smile painted onto it, and it plays a fun tune that Mum and Dad have heard so many times that they hum it everywhere without realising.

Auntie Julie had a go at creating her own soundtrack though, and I must say it worked rather well. If you've never tried having this done for you, I heartily recommend it (click on the video link to play):

Designer labels

Mum, Dad, Boobie, Zaida and I all went to Bicester Retail Outlet Village today. Mum and Boobie wanted to go shopping but Zaida thought he'd be in for some brain haemorrhaging or at least melting out of the ears. Dad was secretly keen to go because Mum said that there was a Ted Baker shop there. In the end Dad got some really good bargains from Ted Baker, and Zaida actually bought a blue shirt that he was really pleased with. Mum and Boobie bought stuff too, but I'm not sure what 'cos I was asleep on Dad in the sling.

When I woke up, Dad was trying on a rather nice Paul Smith suit. Mum and I were a bit bored and feeling silly so we tried on hats. This is a great Paul Smith beret. It gives me an insoucient air of being either (a) a Rastafarian or (b) a Flemish Renaissance painter. Quick poll?

Sitting up (on the table)

Auntie Jenny came over again today - all these people who can't resist me!

She stayed for dinner; Dad got us all a Thai takeway. Everyone was in a giggly mood. Boobie allowed me to sit on the table and then pretended that I was her hand puppet. Dad then tried to film her with her best ventriloquist attempt, which I was not impressed with (so I gawped at the wall instead). Ah, but did you notice they let me put my feet on the dining table? How naughty!

Nearly a stone now!

This morning Mum and Zaida took me along to the Baby Clinic as usual. I weighed 13 lbs 11 oz, so I'm just 5 ounces short of a stone! (Or as the Americans say, "How can you be the same weight as a pebble?")

In the afteroon Auntie Jenny came round and had a nice afternoon catching up with Mum after her holiday with Uncle Tim. I was awake practically all day, and wouldn't sleep. Auntie Jenny thought that getting me to sleep would be as easy as getting me to poo. How wrong she was!

It's a rollover!

Hey, talking of new tricks, I'm on a roll - literally! This morning on my changing mat I managed to roll from my back to my left side, and then I found my fists to suck on again. Stuffing my face with both of them is quite satisfying. Anyway, Boobie cheered me on but Mummy immediately paled and set about reading the chapter "Babyproofing Your Home" in the Baby Manual.

New trick

When Mum and Dad were having supper, I discovered the most amazing thing - there are hands at the ends of my arms, which in turn are attached to my shoulders! I thought they were just random things that flung around, startling me awake or bonging me on the nose. Now I've found out that I can get almost my entire fist into my mouth and sucking it is a great experience. Not quite the same as getting milk, but a good second. Actually, my hands taste a bit weird and soapy and I heard Mum say she was glad she wiped all the fluff and goo from my palms with a baby wipe whilst I was asleep earlier. I can't let that happen again.

At Weight Watchers again

Mum and Zaida took me to the clinic to be weighed again today. Mum was still feeling a bit wobbly, so Zaida drove. I weighed 12 lb 11 oz (5.76 kg) which makes me a heffalump. All my family have now had back problems from lugging me around. Cool.

It's been so long...

Hey fans and avid readers! Sorry I haven't been able to blog for a couple of weeks. Mum and Dad had been dragging me hither and thither, then we went on holiday to Cornwall for a week... and to top it all off, both parents got food poisoning this past weekend. All of this has meant that they haven't been able to let me blog for ages.

Please bear with me and I'll fill in the details as best I can - the posts will appear as if they were made at the right time, so do check back every now and then. [You can use reader.google.com, as a good way to catch up with blogs like mine, which shows in a feed (mmmm!) all new posts soon after they appear.]

Holiday in Cornwall

Just got back from a week's holiday in Mevagissey, on the southern Cornish coast. We stayed in a B&B right in the middle of nowhere. It was connected with wi-fi but Dad thought it was a bit pricey and he was too tight to pay the surcharge. I did go "waaaaaah" very loudly, but I lost that one, so I've had to tag along without being able to blog every day.

Never mind. I've pooled all the holiday snaps into one post. Too many holiday pics are dull anyway.

This is Dad and me as we are about to head down into the Eden Project. You can see the giant biomes in the background. They look like the clusters of bubbles you might see round my mouth when I dribble.


Here I am having some lunch at the Lost Gardens of Heligan, a Victorian garden restoration project.


You can see Dad, Zaida and Boobie here marvelling at the giant rhubarb growing in the jungle swamp at Heligan. I was fast asleep though.


Boobie bought this absolutely ridiculous teddy bear suit for me to wear. Not only was it way too big, it was also really embarrassing!

ASBO number one, here I come

Yo. Mum bought me my first hoody. Chavtastic!