First two-syllable word.

Actually, first word that I am repeating in context without being prompted. I just chose a two- syllable word because I am gifted that way.

Get ready: it is:

CHEERIOS. (Which I love, and always ask Mummy to put some in a snack bowl for me so I can munch on them in front of the telly, when I have skipped breakfast, or lunch.)

Which is pronounced:

Cheeeeeeee - Ya.

Cheee-Ya. Cheeee-Ya. CheEEee-Ya. Cheeeeeeeee-Ya.

Daddy's new wellies

Now, I like these even more, and keep dragging Mummy by the finger over to them to try them on. I can't actually walk in them though - they're a bit too heavy.

Mum says I look like a garden gnome and she should put me into the garden as an ornament. I asked her what an ornament was. She said it was a pretty thing that doesn't go anywhere, usually because it's weighed down in the base. I said, "Ya dooo ge-bid de da yid da da Da Da Dee!" and Mum didn't know what to say to that.

I'm a West Country Pih-rate Fahr-mer

Oooh arrrr. My new wellie boots give me a west coun'ry ac-cent. Ooooh arrrr.

Actually, I've had them about a week now but today's the first day I liked them. When they arrived in the parcel I didn't understand what to do with them, and naturally I was suspicious.

Where no man has gone before.

Here's one for Uncle Daniel.

Here are Dad and I on set for the new Star Trek. I've been cast as Baby Spock, and Dad is Captain James T. Kirk.

So Much Nicer In Nice!

Here I am in Nice, enjoying an ice-cream, with some lairy holiday pants on.

I went with Dad and Zaida. Mum and Boobie left us boys to go to Nice for the afternoon. They've gone to a perfumery course in Eze. That's a bit too girly for us. We've been riding a little tourist train, and Zaida nearly got left behind!

Quantum of Silliness

When you're fifteen months old, donning a starched shirt, bow tie, black trousers, waistcoat, baby dinner jacket and dinky black shoes (all procured by Mum on eBay) has a remarkable effect on grannies. A sea of "Aaaahhhhs" seemed to precede me wherever I went, which was all over the ship. There are stairs, slopes, steps, shops and so many things to explore!

Actually I have to admit that I was stuffed into this outfit under screaming protest. It was mainly 'cos Daddy wanted to change my nappy first.

Here I am with Boobie and Zaida at dinner:

I ordered the peas and the ice cream. (Not together, silly.)

And we're off!

We set sail today for our Mediterranean cruise!

Mum had done a near all-nighter packing, because I have so many outfits. We left early as the plan was to get lots of time looking round the ship, and luckily we got to Southampton in very good time. The new ship is enormous and very swish. Boy, are there stairs! There are fifteen public decks on the ship. I wanted to explore the stairs first, and kept everyone busy, panicking, "Where's Joel?"

Here I am out on deck, waving to Rule Britannia played by a naval brass band as we set sail from the port:

Superman gets his first haircut

Auntie Karen D. came round to give me my first haircut.

Afterwards I dragged Boobie and Zaida upstairs and I was preening in front of the mirror in their room for ages. I've lost the cute curls above my ears, but, damn, I look slick.

First words!

Hold on, can't really stop to chat, just busy busy busy today, raiding cupboards... you know what it's like.

Yeah. Rushing round today doing stuff. People to see, places to go, things to wreck, noses to be pulled.

Mum and Dad had their old friend PaulM round to visit. They knew him from...oh, some time last century, probably. He now lives near San Francisco with his girlfriend Rashmi. I met her too and she was lovely and said I was cute, so I like her lots. Uncle PaulM works for Google and I told him about the time I searched for "11111111111111tlk;o99pppppppppp[[[[[[." He said, yes, a large proportion of the queries Google gets are indeed navigational ones, and yes, he knows of the man who does the drawings on the Google logo on the front page.

We all went out to lunch, except I'm so cross because I fell asleep and missed most of it. Mum and Dad were also scatterbrained enough to forget the camera...durrrr.... so unless Paul and Rashmi are reading this blog and e-mail a pic I can post up, my fans will just have to imagine it.

Afterwards Great Auntie Natalie and Great Uncle Brad dropped by with a birthday present. I don't get this birthday thing - I thought it was a one off event, but apparently then you keep getting presents, like, all year - cool!

It's another ride-on truck toy, with silly noises that make my family want to shoot it - or themselves, actually, whichever will cut the noises first. But I quite like it. Mum's set the volume to "low" and then Dad turned it off.

Anyway, I was larking around later this evening, avoiding going to bed as usual, and in the midst of all the excitement I toddled over to Dad and said, "Dad-DY!" twice. I don't know what came over me. I got lots of applause, I think because I managed two syllables.

Eyeball Joel

Wasn't feeling great today - Boobie thinks I might be coming down with another teething cold. So I was tetchy with Mummy and tetchy with Boobie and tetchy with everyone. The only thing that cheers me up is exploring the contents of the fridge.

Mummy forced some Calpol (baby paracetamol dissolved in an artificial strawberry-pink goo) down my throat, when I was at my tetchiest. Most of it went into my eye because I clammed my mouth shut even though I was upset. Dad commented that through the eyeballs was probably the fastest way for the paracetamol to get to my bloodstream anyway.

Expedition

Wow! I am SO good at walking now. Today I walked all the way from Boobie and Zaida's house to the Wreck (the bungalow that Mum and Dad are renovating that's going to be our new home)! Dad says grown ups take about five minutes to walk it: yeah, yeah, brag, brag, wha'eVER, Dad. I did it in about fifteen minutes. Going out of the door and down the driveway was the most exciting thing ever. Did I mention, I was so excited?! Here I am holding Auntie Julie's hand on the right and Mummy's hand on the left:

Climbing the Greasy Pole

No, this isn't a reference to clambering over any particular unwashed Eastern Europeans, it's just me posing by the washing line in the garden.

I am aware that I look Hot.

Except for these elephantine knees. Dammit.

Splashy splashy

Went swimming today with Mummy and Auntie Julie, in the local swimming pool.

I stayed in the water for ages: about an hour. I put my face in several times by accident and was shocked to find that the water actually wetted my face. Weird stuff, water.

Mum was relieved that I didn't poo, like the last time I went swimming.

Labelled - The Story Continues

I was further labelled at Nursery today, as A Boy Who Picks Up His Teatime Plate And Tips Everything Off It.

Flying visit

Uncle ChrisM popped by to see Mummy and me today, in a flying tour of London in between picking up a dinner jacket that had wandered off on its own accord, and supporting a friend who was going to swim the Channel. These busy people.

The last time that Uncle ChrisM saw me, I was pretty small. I think I impressed him with my Charlie Chaplin walking impression. Well, as far as the Ministry of Silly Walks is concerned, that's the only walk I do. You try walking with chubby knees and a wide nappy between your legs. Oh, and, Mum adds, slightly wobbly but very succulent thighs.

I now walk the walk!

Waaaaaay Hey! I tottered six steps on my own tonight, in a breakthrough moment. Mum, Dad, Boobie and Zaida were applauding me like crazy.

It was actually 'cos I didn't want to go to bed. Boobie stood me up facing Mummy and I managed four, very tentative, steps to get to her. Then I discovered that toddling is fun, and so rewarding because you get so much applause! So I kept trying it. My record was six whole steps.

Labelled

I was Labelled at Nursery today. The staff there told Mum I was A Climber and A Chatterbox. I also Don't Use The Cot. In fact I don't understand what a cot is.

Standing up for myself

Dad - well, everyone, in fact, but Dad in particular - has been trying to get me to stand up on my own for ages and ages. The problem is, if I don't notice I'm holding onto something then I can stand up on my own for a few seconds, but as soon as I realise, then it's scary that I'm not being supported by anything, so I lower myself into a sitting position or I try to grab hold of some support.

The breakthrough tonight came because I've learned to clap! So because I'm clapping, Mum and Dad clap; and I get applauded for clapping (there's a positive feedback loop going on in there somewhere).... Tonight, Mum and Dad applauded me for clapping whilst standing up on my own, so I started enjoying it. So much so that waaaaay after my bedtime (do I really have a bedtime?), I was still trying to stand up in bed, when Mum and Dad were trying to get to sleep.

Love of White Goods - 2

Yeah, mate, looks like yer rubber seal is knackered around the bearing that holds the agitating electrowidget in place. I can see a load of fluff round it. Quite a common problem - yours is the second I've seen this year. Hold on, if I poke it with my wooden spoon, it might come loose so you can 'ave a look.

Love of White Goods - 1

Did I tell you I love raiding the fridge?

I make a beeline for it as soon as I smell it open. It's not particularly 'cos I'm always hungry; I just like fiddling with the knobbly caps of the juice cartons, like so:

Unhappy Birthday

Drat. Mum said it's my birthday today but I feel completely rubbish. And pukey. Mum thinks I've caught a tummy bug from starting at Nursery.

Birthday party

Ok, I know it's not my birthday yet - that's on Tuesday. I still don't really know what a birthday is all about - maybe it means I get to be born again. I think Mum might like that. But I digress. Mum and Dad decided that I needed to have a birthday party - well, I wasn't going to complain about that was I?

It was a fairly small affair, with just some family along (sadly my girlfriend Dana had a bit of a temperature and couldn't come along - too bad.) But we still had fun. Have a look at the table with the special Night Garden tablecloth:

There was loads of yummy food - I especially enjoyed the houmous and pitta, which I ate quite a lot of. But I loved the jelly and ice cream:

I also had a birthday cake which apparently had my age on it. I was supposed to blow it out but I had an even better idea - knock the candle over and it might go out when it falls down. Luckily, it did.

Birthdays mean one important thing - presents! As always, I accept toys and/or cash. Auntie Julie and Uncle Daniel got me a nice large one, wrapped in my favourite colour - red!

Of course I was much more interested in the wrapping than the present, but I must admit that the present was pretty cool. It's a big sheet of special material that turns multi-coloured when it gets wet. It comes with some pens that just paint pure water onto the sheet so I get to draw whatever I like and Mum and Dad don't get worried that I'll draw all over the furniture or walls. Actually, Boobie and Zaida worry about that a bit more, since it's their stuff that would get ruined... Here's Miffy in person and freshly drawn:

What? You think that Mum drew that and not me? How did you know?

I'm baaack

Hey there! Did you miss me?

Sorry I haven't written anything for ages... I've been looking after Mum and Dad, and you know how much time that takes. Anyway, I'll fill you in on what's been happening over the past couple of months shortly. Keep checking the feed to make sure you see it all!

I'm cleaning up this place

Hi, I'm Joel Sheridan and I'm here to talk to you about keeping your flat tidy. I'm talking to you, Mum and Dad. Grab a duster and we'll clean up in here.

Honestly, what's the point in crushing bits of rusk into a dirty carpet?

Gnashers

Oh, by the way, I have three teeth now. My upper one came through just over a week ago, and in the last couple of days the second lower one has broken through too. I'm desperate to make them wonky by gnawing every piece of furniture in sight.

Table manners

Have I told you I love prunes? Mum doesn't like giving them to me because I get them all over my face and hands when I squish them, then I scratch my head and I get sticky prune in my hair, then I decide it'd be fun to shove the prune further into my mouth using my foot, so I get sticky prune on my socks and between my toes, then I think I might as well gum the highchair so I get sticky prune around that too. Mum says it's an @^$* to get off.

Oh, I think I've got a small speck on my face. Must go 'cos Mum's chasing me with a baby wipe.

Happy Birthday Great-Great-Auntie Kitty

OK, I've got to think very hard to get this one right. So, Boobie is Dad's mummy, and Great Boobie is her mummy. Great Boobie's late brother Bernie was married to Kitty. So she's my Boobie's auntie, which makes her my Great-Great-Aunt. I think I need a lie down after figuring out that one.

Here I am giving Great-Great-Auntie Kitty a hug:

She turned 80 this week and we went to a really big birthday party for her this afternoon. I met lots of new people, which is something I'm a little wary of these days. So I used my very serious expression until things were a bit more comfortable. Then I let everyone admire me.

There was loads of food for everyone, and I even managed to eat most of the pot that Mum brought along with her, which she said was a really good achievement. I didn't take any champagne for the toast, but I did try to eat Mum's glass when it got near me.

Great-Great-Auntie Kitty had a birthday cake too.

I haven't learnt to count yet, but I think there might have been 80 candles on the cake. Actually, I haven't figured out the whole birthday thing yet either. I wonder if I get to have one sometime?

Great Boobie and Me

When I went round to Great Boobie's today she gave me an Iggle Piggle toy! I was impressed for ...ooh, maybe a minute, but then got on to the more important business of trying to reprogramme her telly by pressing random buttons on her remote control. But I love Great Boobie really. She's always offers me cake when I go round at weekends, and then is too deaf to hear Boobie say I'm not allowed it. I think she's selectively deaf like me.

Conquering the Known Universe

Hey! I "cruised" the length of the sofa and onto the coffee tables today! Since I've got crawling down pat now, and I can pretty much go anywhere (and do, very quickly), I've been setting my sights higher - literally. My main goal, however, is to get to those cables in the corner of the room, the one where the laptops are stacked onto a big extension plug set.

Wedding (no, not mine)

Mum and Dad took me to a wedding today. Their friends, Paul and Vesna, got married in Sevenoaks. They looked like this:

It was a bit of a mad panic getting ready to go in time, so I did my bit to help by demanding milk just before we were going to leave. Then we got caught up in traffic and Dad took a really cool route through country roads so we got to the church in time to hear the vows. This meant I didn't have to wait long until lots of people started cooing over me.

While the wedding pictures were being done, I learnt how to play snooker:

Dad says it looked more like a cross between British and American pool, but I can tell which game it is just from how the balls taste.

At the reception I met Naomi the Mallababy. She's a month older than me, but Mum says I might be able to dance with her when I'm older despite the age gap. We certainly got on well, since we both love putting things in our mouths:

Naomi's great. She doesn't crawl yet like I do but she flaps her arms a lot and talks loads. I couldn't get a word in edgeways, although to be honest I wasn't trying very hard.

After all that playing I needed a nap, so I got Dad to run up and down the hotel's corridors with me in the buggy until I drifted off to sleep. I woke up in time to hear the speeches and decided to add some comments of my own. Dad didn't want me to upstage the happy couple though, so he took me outside just as I was getting going. Humph.

Mum finally taught me how to dance after supper. I've been waiting months to be able to shake my stuff on the floor (generally I've been preparing by throwing my stuff on the floor, but that's not the same) and I had a great time. Mum also danced with Dad a bit too, when I went back to sleep.

What a fun time! Mum and dad took lots and lots of pictures so check out the gallery too.

Progress Reports

Once in a blue moon, Mum sits me down with the Bears on the sofa and starts clicking away on the camera, gesticulating and making exaggerated faces in the vain attempt of making me smile. She sticks this sign above my head which probably says, "Warning! May Contain Biohazardous Material and May Move Quickly and Without Warning", like this:

...and sits me next to Strauss the All-American Bear. Hi Strauss. I see you've been labelled with this sign as well.

Sometimes I get sat with Usky and Leone as well.

What a mean gang we are, though!

Budding Jules Holland

I've been let loose to tinker on the piano. This afternoon I was playing selected notes from George Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue. When you're as good as me you play what Mum calls "accidental music" - mainly playing on the black notes.

I'm just pleased to see you

Mum and Dad came in to check on me in bed. Then they creased up with laughter. Don't know why.

Mum asked me what I'd been dreaming about. Just playing with the stackable cups, I think.

They pulled the covers back and found that I'd just got my leg stuck in the wrong part of my pajamas:

So the only thing I don't know is: what did they think it was?

Another Dexter

Just when Mum and Dad thought Dexter was an unusual and quite uncommon name, Boobie reported that Dad's cousins have got a new King Charles spaniel puppy, and they've named him - guess what? - Dexter. Not after my fine friend at the NCT Mother and Baby Group though. No relation. Apparently the cousins' long-suffering cat, Fudge, has sloped off, singularly unimpressed with this new scrambling, yapping, slightly uncoordinated eight-week-old addition to the family and has taken to Hiding Upstairs Where It's Quieter.

So this afternoon, we all went round to my Great Uncle Howard and Great Aunty Karen's house, and saw cousins Maddy, Abby and Elly. Life and soul of the party that I am, I regaled everyone with my interesting narratives of Dah-Dah-Day and Yay-Dah-Dah-Day-Dee. Hah. I have a far superior ability to hold an audience than that puppy.

Actually, Dexter the puppy was quite cute, not as much as me, of course, but I was mildly interested in him and vice versa. Actually, I was eyeing up his training crate (basically a giant cage) and Dad said that if I were good he'd get me one. With lid, small lockable door and all the squeaky toys.

First tooth!

Ooooh - there's something small and white and scratchy-sharp on my lower gum line, right at the front - my first tooth has popped out! Boobie discovered it tonight whilst we were playing "walk round the living room". Everybody is very excited, but that's what's been hurting all over my head and makes me feel weird and a bit horrid.

Relaxing

Drove down to Lymington (near the Isle of Wight ferry port) yesterday with Mum and Aunty Jenny. Aunty Jenny said she wanted a couple of days break from Uncle Tim going on about nanorobots in hyperspace. So we are at a posh hotel with a spa, and Mummy and Aunty Jenny have been getting massages and facials. In fact Mum and Aunty Jenny have been so blissed out they didn't bat an eyelid when I puked several times over various patches of patterned hotel carpet.

I've been having fun in the hotel pool, though. It's my first time swimming! Mum bought me these special swim nappies and a giant inflatable rubber ring thingy that I sit in.

The only thing was, I was enjoying myself in the pool so much that when Mum lifted me out of the pool, she noticed a telltale brown stain leaking from my nappy onto my towel, and then onto hers. Mum and Aunty Jenny looked at each other in horror and then quickly, and automatically, scanned the pool, for, er, debris. I was whipped ever-so-sharpish into the changing rooms. Afterwards, Aunty Jenny said with a shrug that pensioners ply the lanes all the time, so if I had left anything in there it would have been picked up. Phew.

.....Go!!!

Hooray! I managed a few, tentative steps of crawling today! Boobie was really egging me to get moving. Dad, however, looked utterly terrified, and Mum looked a mixture of pleased and incredibly worried. I don't care. This is the beginning of my Ralph Fiennes explorer adventures!

Ash-par-a-gush

Jussht to, *munch*, *chew*, shay...

...*slobber* that I am loving...

...thish ash-pa-ra-gush shtuff *munch*,*dribble*,*chew*...

...that Mummy shteamsh up and then I get to play with it and get it all over my handsh.

Mothers' Day

I got Mum a card and pressie for Mothers' Day (with a little help from Boobie and Dad). My present was a silver photo frame... to put a picture of me in it, of course!

Oh, by the way, that bruise on the right side of my forehead is... er... well, I was climbing out of the bath on Friday (yes, by myself, have you got a problem with that?)... and Zaida was holding the bath and not expecting me to get out, so I hit my head on the kitchen floor. Owwww, it really hurt. Woopsie.

Chez Dexter

Dexter had a little party round his house in Finchley this afternoon. It was brilliant fun! There were lots of my friend from Mum and Dad's NCT group there.

This is a picture of Isla, who was being very cheeky and mischievous:

Oh, here's Dexter, our host, turning round and looking scary! Cool.

Here I am playing with Chloe and Dexter...

This is baby Madeline, who I reckon will be next to crawl, after me, of course!