Horticultural advice

Daddy: "Do you know which house Daddy was in when he was a little boy?"
Joel: "A dreen house."
Mummy: "A dream house? How lovely."
Joel: "No, a DREENHOUSE. You can drow [grow] peppers in a dreenhouse."
Daddy: "That's right, you can grow peppers in a greenhouse. Good boy!"
Joel: "But you tan't drow bamatoes [can't grow tomatoes] in a dreenhouse. You have to drow bamatoes in a red house."

Fussy Eater - 3

Joel: "What we havin' for dinner, Mummy?"

Mummy: "Roast chicken."

Joel: "I don't like roast."

Daddy: "OK, Mummy and Daddy will have the roast, and you can just have the chicken."

Joel: "O-tay [O-kay]."

Fussy Eater - 2

Today, I announced to Mummy, "I really like bamatoes [tomatoes]."

Fussy Eater - 1

This week, I announced: "I don't like bamatoes [tomatoes]."

"That's all right," said Mummy, heaping the pasta with tomato sauce onto my plate. "These are red peppers."

Me: "I really like red peppers."

My two girls

Mummy and Daddy's friends David and Claire came round to visit today, and they brought with them their two little girls. Everyone explained that the girls were called Amelie, who is five-and-a-half, and Isabelle, who is three next week. I was too excited to show them my room and my toys, though, so I didn't really catch their names. We had a lovely lunch which Mummy cooked and Mummy's friend Claire made a chocolate tart which was delicious and disappeared very quickly! Then we all danced to my favourite track of the moment: "Windmill in Old Amsterdam".

Afterwards, after they had left, I said to Mummy, "My two dirls [girls] made a mess in my room!"

"Oh dear!" said Mummy, with concern in her voice, obviously worried that I was developing OCD or at least a bit traumatised by my bedroom being ransacked by two older blonde females.

"Yes!" I said gleefully, before Mummy could continue, "and I helped them!"

The difference between accurate and useful information

Moved in to our new bungalow this week - I was soooo excited!

Unfortunately Daddy was still having problems programming his smart lighting system (well, if he'd have asked me, I would have explained how to do it...) The power load was too big when a lot of lights were on so it kept cutting out and throwing us into pitch black darkness. After a bit of annoyed shouting from Mummy, either Mummy or Daddy would then go into the garage to trip the switch back and the lights would come back on.

It happened again tonight, just before Dad got home. Mum was in the kitchen cooking. All of a sudden everything went pitch black. I heard Mummy yell out, with a small amount of panic in her voice, "Joel, where are you?"

I shouted back to reassure her: "In the dark, Mummy!"

I think Mummy must have thought for about two seconds before then replying, "All right, stay where you are and I'll get the lights back on."

I haven't got a speech problem, Mum has a hearing problem

I was in my toyshop today (will post photo soon). I was washing up and asked Mummy, "Ah watt to dye ny has wif a tow."
Mummy: "You want to buy a house with a cow?"
Me: "Nono. Ah watt to dye ny hans wif a towl."
Mummy: "Oh, you want to dry your hands with a towel. OK, hold on, I'll get you one." And she ran upstairs. Honestly, wasn't I clear the first time? I mean, parents don't geddit. She's soooo deaf.

Back home

When I got back to Boobie and Zaida's, lots of furniture had been moved round from when I last remembered. Boobie explained that it was the first night of Pesach (Passover) and the table, which seemed to have doubled in length, was laid for the first Seder (Passover meal).

Auntie Julie was there as well, as she had been helping Boobie out. She asked: "Joel, did you go on holiday?"
- "Yesz."
- "Did you go with Mummy and Daddy?"
- "Yesz."
- "Did you have a good time?"
- "Yesz."
- "Did you see lots of nice things?"
- "Oah-Yesz."
- "You're saying yes to everything!" Auntie Julie laughed. " Joel, do you want a three-course meal with chips?"
- "No."

Conversations II

On the plane, on the way back from San Francisco, I got about two hours sleep in the whole ten hour overnight flight. So did Mummy and Daddy. Daddy said he nearly got Deep Vein Thrombosis overnight with his legs cramped and crossed double with the weight of Mummy's legs and my head on top. Dad's such a drama queen. I was the one who couldn't get comfy stretched out on top of Mummy and Daddy. I did insist, however, on having my head end on Mummy and sitting on her for the duration of the flight. I mean, why sit on Daddy when Mummy's there to be sat on?

As we were coming in to land at Heathrow, I reminded Mummy that I needed to put my shoes on again:
- "Shoos!"
- "What's the matter, Joel, you want your shoes?"
- "Yesz."
- "Can you say, 'Please'?"
- "Cheese!"
- "Good boy. Look, Joel, Mummy can't quite reach your shoes now. Do you mind waiting another minute? You can put your shoes on in a minute."
- "Aw-wight. Aww-right."

Conversations I

- "No Tat! No Tat!"
- "Oh, dear, is there no cat, Joel?"
- "No Dork!"
- "Oh, there's no dog either?"
- "No Sheek!"
- "That's right, there are no sheep here inside the car. Joel, is there a duck?"
- "Yesz."
- "Where's the duck?"
- "Derr."

Mummy spent the rest of the car journey wondering whether there really had been a duck inside the car.